You Might Be a Toddler If...

 

The Spitfire's transformation from baby to toddler was explosive, and I ain't just talkin' diapers. Holy cr@p, that kid is insane. In honor of her brazen transformation, I've compiled a list of goings on at our house of late as a result.

You might be a toddler if...

...the daily survival rate of your clothes is inversely proportional to X, if X = clothing cleanliness x clothing cost. This equation is equally valid for preschoolers.

I just ate glitter.

...you are convinced that the tall, white, rectangular box in the kitchen is the perfect place to store important objects, such as keys, shoes, and your sweater. And your hands right before a meal.

...the main rule of your favorite game is to scream suddenly and unexpectedly throughout the day, and the ultimate prize is to destroy the nerves of your caretaker, thereby getting her to start screaming hysterically as well.

...you think that the words "TIME OUT!" mean "keep doing what you're doing, only laugh hysterically at the same time."

One of the safer favorite toys

...you are well aware that flinging food off of your tray is the best way to ensure a snack later on.

Lovely. Another bath.

...your grandparents, who love you very, very much, aren't so sure that they can watch you for more than a few minutes as there's a good chance you will severely injure yourself.

...you're learning better how to communicate every day. You know that "MEEHH!!!" means "MINE!" "I WANT IT!" and "MORE!"; that the animals that communicate with "GRRRR!" and "RAWR!" are the coolest and must be mimicked constantly; and that high-pitched screams are the best way to get what you want.

"MEEHH!!"

...you finally figured out that "NO!" means "climb higher!" "do it faster!" and "run away quickly!"

...the best way to introduce yourself to a fellow toddler is to smack them in the face.

...any and all "balls" (roundish objects) belong to you, even ones made of glass, and all must be thrown.

"MEEHH!! Don't even think about it!"

...you get hit in the head by a large toy car point blank and quietly glare at the child who did it, just after you screamed your head off when your caretaker set you down.

Refueling before the next battle

...you've learned that you can get away with anything because you love snuggling up with your mommy to read books at the end of the day. And Mommy's a sucker.