While Mom's away, Hilarity will play

The recently-shorn, flea-less Urinator

The Spitfire and I generally go hand-in-hand. We have been apart from each other for no more than 8 hours at a time since she was born 18 months ago. And that 8 hour stretch only happened once.

It was time to get a break. Believe you me.

I've been getting more and more involved in the family business for the last few months as I've felt that I could leave the kiddos mildly less attended at times. Sure, I'd have to leave TS strapped in her high chair watching Cars or Finding Nemo in order to get anything done, but sometimes extreme measures are necessary in order to stay sane. 

I ventured up to a Kindergarten teachers' conference in NorCal to spread the word about a couple of our educational products. I won't bore you with the details of the conference other than to say that it went amazingly well, I had a blast reconnecting with some old friends, and that Kindergarten teachers are some of the most amazing people on the planet! 

As for the domestic side of things, it was quite the experience leaving TS and The Dynamo at home with The Artist for 4 solid days. 

I'd been on the road for about 3 hours when I got a text from TA. "TD's doing the dishes. She says that since you're gone, she gets to be the mommy." AWWWW!! My kids are awesome.

Phone conversation 20 minutes later with TD:

TD: "Hi, Mommy! Guess what! I did the dishes all by myself!"

Yours Truly: "That's great! Daddy said that you're being the mommy while I'm gone!"

TD: (Read with overwhelming enthusiasm:) "YEEEEAAAAHHHH!!!!!!!"

A minute later: "Um, Mommy? I'm a little bit concerned."

YT: (uh oh): "Oh, really? Why's that?"

TD: "TS is drawing on your computer screen again with a pencil."

YT: "Well, maybe you should go tell Daddy."

Pause.

TD: "No, I don't think so."

YT: "Well, why not?"

TD: "I don't really feel like it."

Yup, I had no way to contact TA because TD had his cell phone. Lovely. Flash forward to 10 minutes later.

YT: "How're things going?"

TA: "Good! We're just..."

Lots of muffled yelling and crying.

YT: "Why don't you call me back in a few."

A few minutes later.

TA: "Well, one of your daughters drew all over your computer screen with a pencil, and the other decided to wash it of with a sopping wet sponge."

Lovely. In TD's defense, she was aware that I'd washed off of my computer screen the last time that TS had drawn all over it with a pencil. What she didn't know was that "washed it off" had consisted of a microfiber cloth with just a tad bit of water on it. Not a sponge. Poor little thing got in trouble for doing her best to be the mommy.

Later that day I got this text: "I was just informed that borax tastes good."

Luckily, I was traveling with a pediatrician. Who informed me that borax is probably caustic and should burn pretty horribly going down. Enter the following phone conversation:

YT: "What on earth happened? The borax is in the far back of the cupboard with a big lock on it!"

TA: "Apparently TD has been eating the borax you put into the carpet the other day to kill fleas."

She's almost 5. You'd think she'd know better than to try and eat a mysterious powder I'd spread all over the floor in order to kill something. (You want to see me go all OCD on our floors? Show me a flea. Just one. We are now officially flealess.)

So why did I laugh hysterically when he said that? 

I'd decided at the last minute to use salt instead of borax, for the very reason that my children are completely unpredictable like that. The only other weird mishap that day was TS drinking out of The Urinator's bowl. 

The next two days apparently went by without a hitch. TA cleaned the house from top to bottom, fixed the central vac, scrubbed both cars, and even managed to feed the kids and walk the dog. No one missed me. I was feeling a bit irrelevant.

Then the stomach flu hit.

Yup. TD was up all night with the stomach flu, managing to hit 3 beds dead on, a few bathrooms, and many a trash can. 

Yesterday was a bit crazy for everyone (myself included - 5 1/2 hours of the show and then an 8 hour drive home). At one point I got a call from TA announcing how busy TS is and how you can't look away from her for 5 seconds. She had managed to destroy a box of tissues, a roll of toilet paper, and a box of wipes in record time. Amazing, considering that she doesn't usually have access to any of those. And she drew on the computer screen again.

Relevancy reinstated.